Redefining my blog (and myself!)

For a few years now, my blog has been called "Frenzied Vegan" because that's EXACTLY how I felt at any given time.

My high-stressed lifestyle fueled by sugar and carbs led to adrenal fatigue and may have contributed to my endometriosis.  These health concerns have led to profound change. I've had to bring consciousness into my life by pointing the flashlight and the microscope into all of those dirty crevices as I do my internal housecleaning.

"Frenzied Vegan" is no longer my mantra. In the yoga tradition, mantra is that which is repeated so that your mind associates with and becomes that word or phrase. Do I want to be a frenzied...anything? Not anymore.

I'm done living off of my adrenaline rush. I'm in a different place now.

If you are reading this, you are part of a fortunate few that will henceforth benefit from my wisdom.

Haha, just kidding. But seriously, if you're like me and consider yourself a sugar-crazed carb addict who can't eat just one of anything, well you're in good company. And I'd like to share a few things I'm doing differently based on my work with a health coach.

Stop--time to recalibrate.  You can be who you really are, right now.  Who are you?

Listening to my gut.

I have never been one to trust my gut. I feel like what seems like a "gut feeling" is really just my overactive mind. But I'm practicing listening to that still small voice that is my intuition and honoring it.  Because who "I Am" is in there, but if I don't see her, she cannot reveal herself.

Taking small steps.

I have defined myself as a sugar addict for years.  What it does for me is something that nothing else has been able to do for me. So not eating sugar can be a challenge. But today I take small steps. Walking away from a box of cookies - even if it's only for five seconds or five minutes - is progress for me. If I eat something unhealthy, I don't have to use my old script: "Oh, shit, you're screwed now. You've totally blown it. You are a failure!" I can, instead, tell myself "Hey, that was delicious, and now let's look at why you ate that. Were you hungry? Were you stressed? Let's add things that will help you make a healthier choice next time." 

Deep breaths.

One deep breath can have a profound effect on me - whether in that moment, or that minute or day. It brings me back to who I Am, and gives me a moment to check in with myself. Am I playing old scripts or participating in old stress-consumed behaviors? One deep breath, several times a day, has become ingrained in me and has brought consciousness into my body and mind.

Discarding ideas of right and wrong.

I have been very rigid in my life. But today, I am redefining myself. I am flexible, I can eat what I want today and it won't mess up my eating for the next few days, I can break the rules without shaming myself, I can do what I can and not feel guilty that I haven't done enough. I'm good, it's all good, right here and now. Deep breath.

Now, if you can relate to any of this, I encourage you, right now, to take a deep breath, and decide who you want to be. Not how you acted yesterday, or how you are behaving in this moment, but who you really are, underneath all of these conceptions about yourself. You can do this. You are right where you need to be. Let's take one small step forward.

Oh My Tempeh!

Tempeh + Sweet Potatoes = Heaven

Even tho I usually hate tempeh, 

I loved this.

Therefore, I am documenting my process 

so that I may replicate it 

for the second half 

of my tempeh block.

Tempeh de Stephanie

In a pan with a lid, add:

a lil' water

a few grinds of black pepper

a few drizzles of liquid smoke

a dash of maple syrup

a dollop of dijon mustard

a dash of poultry seasoning

a squirt of Braggs or shoyu

a pinch of celtic sea salt

Then add:

4-6 dried shitake mushrooms

1/2 block of tempeh, chopped to bite size

Medium heat for a few minutes, stirring frequently

Add water if needed (like if pan gets too dry and wants to burn)

Turn to low and cover for a few more minutes

Bon appétit!

UGH.

This is not a happy post.

It's an honest post.

[this is my plug for "Cowspiracy", the documentary, available full length on you tube]

I am seriously going to blow my brains out 

if people don't start acknowledging 

the impact of eating meat.

Likewise, every time you eat or drink, you are casting a vote. 

A vote for the environment, or a vote for your own pleasure.

A vote for environmental welfare, or a vote for global warming.

A vote for sustainability, or a vote for destruction.

A vote for solving world hunger, or a vote for solving our own gluttony.

I DON'T GET IT.

What is happening?

Why don't more people care?

I don't get it.
It's not for you or me. It's for us. ALL of us.

Reaching for the life preserver

When I first became vegan, this blog saved me. Networking with other vegan bloggers, publishing my dietary intake, being accountable on the public forum, are some of the many ways that blogging kept me on track with a healthy and vegan diet.  Sometimes I've wondered if blogging was just some sort of narcissism or boredom buster. But it helped me meet my goals, so I did it.

Lacking anything inspiring or brag-worthy to post, I have not posted here for a while now.  Consequently, I've had little motivation to get back on track with a cleaner diet.

This blog post is my attempt at reclaiming my health, vitality, and youth.

My own health and wellness have ceased to motivate me. Having just finished my master's thesis, my adrenals are taxed, I often feel lazy and depressed (unless I'm running on adrenaline, like at work), and I am in a constant state of mild fatigue.

Just like I was waiting for my thesis to just write itself for months, I think I've been waiting for the health train to stop right at my doorstep and invite me on board.  But I need to take the first step. Pack my bags, buy the train ticket, and get to the station. I have to work my way out of this hole, not lazy my way out of it.

How about that produce drawer full of juice-able veggies? Should I just wait around for the motivation to juice? That hasn't worked for me before. I need to take the first step, uncomfortable as it is. Just stand up, face the kitchen, and walk toward it.

Now I remember why I blog. This post is already helping me see my patterns of being stuck. Lethargy and stagnancy won't disappear until I work against them. I'm going to walk to the kitchen, fill a tub with produce washing water, and just see what happens.

Update, 9:34am: